It's a Wonderful Life, Helga.
by Sarah Collins
Summary: Somewhat of a parody of "It's a Wonderful Life" although it deals with suicide in a more direct manner.
1. The Wish

Disclaimer: I am not the Craigman and I'll never BE the Craigman and the only way I'd ever be associated with Hey Arnold is if they run out of ideas and decide to use a fanfic =. I also don't have anything to do with "It's a Wonderful Life"

Note: This story takes place when all the kids are in the 5th grade.

It was Christmas Eve. "It's a Wonderful Life" was on the television and the neighboorhood children were singing carols outside on the street. Pheobe was there, along with the rest of her fifth grade class. And Arnold. Yes, singing carols was right up his alley. In fact it had been his grandpa that had suggested it in the first place. For a moment Helga wished that she was outside singing. No, she thought to herself. It would only make it worse to be singing happy holiday songs only to return to her own lonely house while the others went home with their happy families. It was better this way, to pretend that it was just an average Saturday night. No joy but yet no let downs. 

She tried to focus her attention on the movie. It was one of her favorites. Although it was centered around a holiday that she despised it gave her hope. Perhaps one day her life would have a happy ending, at least it gave her something to look forward to in life. She tried to remember how much she had loved this movie. Then she remembered the phone call she had received earlier that evening.

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"Yeah?" Helga had said as she pressed the phone against her ear.

"Olga?" said a gruff voice.

"I'm Helga Bob."

"Whatever. Listen Olga I picked up your mother from the shopping center. We're going over to the store now to talk to some clients."

"But Dad it's Christmas Eve."

"Exaclty. It's a big season for beepers. Anyway I have to go. There's some Macoroni and Cheese in the cabinet. Make yourself dinner."

"But Dad-" Helga started to say. It was too late though. She was talking to a dialtone.

Helga had tried to forget the phone call. About being alone on one of the biggest family holidays of the year. Jimmy Stewart was blaring now, trying to drown out the caroling in the street. As she stared intently at the television set she heard a knock at the door. Placing the now cold mac and cheese on the coffee table, she rose to answer the door. Who would actually come here on Christmas Eve, thought Helga. Everyone she knew would be home with their families.

"Helga open up!" came a familiar voice from behind the door. The voice of a boy with emerald green eyes and hair the color of cornflowers.

"Could you turn your television down? We're having trouble singing above the noise. What are you watching anyways? It's a Wonderful Life?" "That's none of your business you stupid football head! Why don't you go back out there and sing with the rest of the merry losers! I have better things to then listen to Righteous Arnold and his Nightangale choir!" she said as she slammed the door.

"You know Helga," came the muffled voice outside the door."maybe if you weren't such a scrooge you'd be outside singing instead of watching an old movie on television."

That hurt her. She had once again alienated the one she loved. But this was the first time he had ever really hurt her on purpose. Helga turned off the TV and sat on the couch. Maybe I went to far that time, she thought to herself. But how can I be expected to be kind and loving when no one has ever shown me how? Crimety, I'm ten years old sitting alone in my house on Christmas Eve. 

She laid down on the couch staring at the cealing. Suddenly she was tired, tired of her life, tired of being bully. Maybe in some way she was tired of living.

Quietly, as she fell asleep on the couch she mumbled to herself "I wish I was never even born".

And she meant it.

*****

This is my first fanfic and I have the rest all ready. If you think it's good enough to finish then I'll post the rest but if you think it's horrible then I won't waste my time. R&R please! 

***** 


	2. Spiritual :::wheeze::: Advisor

Suddenly a cold came over her. She realized that she was sitting in what felt like a snowbank. As she wondered how she had come to be there she began to hear a familiar voice. Or, as it could be better described, a familiar wheeze. 

"Brainy!" she gasped too surprised to even whack him. "What are you doing here? Better yet what am I doing here?" 

"Um,  hi Helga ....I'm your spiritual advisor." he said as he offered her his hand. Ignoring his hand she jumped up and started screaming. 

"Spiritual advisor? What the heck are you talking about! All that wheezing must have done something to your brain! I want to know right here and right now what I'm doing here or I'm going to smack you so hard you'll wish you were never born!" 

"Well," Brainy began his voice becoming stronger and less nasal. He stopped slouching and stood straight and tall. "I guess we'll have something in common then won't we?" 

Helga gasped. How could he have known about the wish she had made to herself? Why did he look so different? What happened to the wheeze? 

"First of all Helga you're going to have to believe me. I am in fact your spiritual advisor. Kinda like your modern day fairy godmother. Haven't you ever wondered why I'm always behind you? Always hanging over your shoulder at the price of physical pain? The truth is that you can't hurt me. I'm not alive. Now do you or don't you want to know why you're here?" 

Even though she was still in shock Helga managed to nod her head slowly. 

"Good. Now we're getting somewhere. This is the deal. You wished you were never born. You got your wish. This vacant lot is where your house used to be. Now I'm here to show you the consequences of the wish you made. Following me?" 

"Yes-s" Helga said, still taken aback. Not only was the information so unbelievable but Brainy! His demeanor was that of a savvy businessman. He was definetly not the ignored classmate she knew and hated. 

"So where to?" 

"Where to?" 

Brainy sighed. "I thought you got me. I'm here to show you consequences but I gotta know where you want to go first." 

Pull yourself together, thought Helga. This is no time to freak out. "Um..I guess I'd like to see my parents." 

"Which one? Do you wanna go to Bob's or Miriam's?" 

"My parents don't live together?" she said in a quiet tone. Her attitude annoyed Brainy. 

"Good work Sherlock! Remind me to hire you for the next case. What's with the fraility act? Suck it up and move on..we don't have that much time." 

"Why do you have to be such a jerk? I just find out my parents don't live together and you make fun of me?" 

Brainy snorted. "I guess nine years hanging around you left a lasting influence on me. Anyways if you won't choose a parent I will. Onward to Miriam's!" 

************** 

They were standing inside of a small broken down apartment. The only light in room came from a television set in a corner which illuminated a broken down couch. The only piece of furniture in an otherwise bare room. 

"I thought you said Miriam was here. Where is she?" 

"Take a look at the couch." 

Helga approached the couch only to see her own mother sprawled across it. In her mother's hand was a whiskey bottle. A little frightened she backed up only to trip on another empty bottle that had been on the floor. 

"Did I wake her up?" she said terrified. She was afraid to speak to this woman who looked so much like her own mother and yet...so haggard and old. From where she stood she could see several whisps of gray hair framing her delicate face. 

"Did I wake her up?" Brainy said mockingly. "Don't you know ANYTHING? You're not alive! How could she have heard you when don't exist?" 

"So it's true isn't it? I really never did exist." Helga looked at her mother. Oh mom, she thought, what happened? 

"Well...technically that's not true. You actually did exist only you were a miscarriage. Your wish was never to be born. Not to never have existed." 

"What's the difference anyways?" 

"Well there's a whole world of difference. Big Bob was proud of his wife having another kid. His first daughter was already the light of his life and he couldn't wait to have his second child. Until Miriam had a miscarriage." 

"You see, Big Bob had convinced himself that child number two would be a boy. The heir to his beeper throne. He was so excited he would only let Miriam buy blue outfits and blue blankets. He even took one whole saturday off work just to paint blue nursery." 

"Bob took off a whole Saturday?" Helga said amazed. "He won't even take off a Saturday for my birthday." 

"Well anyways, Big Bob was very excited...until the miscarriage that is. He blamed Miriam for everything. He claimed that she hadn't even wanted a boy, that she sabotaged the whole thing. He was so angry that he demanded a divorce. Your father moved out and got custody of Olga since he had a good business and Miriam was just a homemaker. And of course the miscarriage left Miriam weakened and in need of hospitalization she couldn't afford. She had to sell the house to a contractor and move into this low class apartment to pay off the bills. After the whole ordeal she aged into the woman you see today. Sad story isn't it?" 

"Mom." she whispered the word that she had hardly said to Miriam. "I'm sorry." 

"Yeah, yeah..touching, beautiful. Are you ready to move on yet? Big Bob's?" 

"No..." started Helga as she tried to wipe a few tears from her eyes. "I can't deal with seeing HIM now..not after seeing this." 

"Hmm.." said Brainy. "How 'bout your best friend Pheobe?" 

"Pheobe? I guess so. Yeah, let's check in on old Pheebs and see how she's coming along." she said. Nothing could be worse than what she had already seen. 

At least that was what she hoped. 

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Stay tuned for Helga's reaction to Pheobe. It's late now so I'll put it up Monday at latest.

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	3. Pheobe?

Disclaimer: Forgot to add the disclaimer to the last page. I don't own Hey Arnold because if I did every Rugrats marathon would be replaced by Hey Arnold. That's all. 

Note: Thanks for all the encouragement. And trust me I'm not an author to write and run. This fic WILL be completed by Wednesday at the latest. 

_Pheobe's a stupid brainiac_

Pheobe's a stupid brainiac

Pheobe's a stupid brainiac

These were the words Helga heard as she and Brainy appeared in the playground of P.S. 118. A phrase repeated over and over with the sole purpose of causing pain to one young girl. And it wasn't only one voice that repeated the words in a sing-song tune. It was several. 

Helga looked toward the direction of the taunting. Over in the corner she saw her best friend, Pheobe Hyerdahl, crouching as four or five laughing children circled around her. Just by looking at Pheobe's face Helga realized that this wasn't the first time. Well, Helga thought, it'll be the last if I have anything to say about it! 

"You can't do anything about it Helga. You don't exist. For such a smart girl you take awhile to catch on." Brainy said looking at her knowingly. "And don't ask how I knew what you were thinking. I'm working for the big Upstairs remember?" 

"But I can't let them torture her! She's my best friend. I need to protect her!" Helga cried in deep distress over not being able to help her friend. 

"You're right. She DID need you to protect her. That is, when you existed. But as we've gone over several times, Helga, in this world you were never born. You never met Pheobe and she's never had anyone to protect her. This is the Pheobe that stands alone without so much as a friendly word to help get her through each miserable day." 

"But why doesn't she do something? Why doesn't she stand up for herself? Didn't her father teach her some Japanese self-defense tactics?" 

"She doesn't know how to stand up for herself Helga. Without you around she never learned how. And as for her father's self-defense moves...well she never had any desire to learn. Even when you existed she was always eager to please you, always eager to let you have your way. Somehow that eagerness has led her into believing that she deserves what she's getting. In this Helgaless world she takes suffering as a fact she eventually learned to accept." 

"Hey everyone the stupid brainiac is going to say something!" Helga turned her attention towards the chief tormenter and silently thanked God that Pheobe would finally say something in her defense. 

"Well, um.." started Pheobe. She searched for the next words. She was suddenly given the urge to fight back but supressed it. This was her life and she had to accept it without fighting back. "I was just going to point out that the term 'stupid brainiac' is in fact a contridiction. To be grammatically correct you may want to-". She was cut off by the first shove. 

Helga couldn't stand to watch and did the unthinkable by turning her back on her friend in her time of need. Pheobe. She couldn't watch the closest person to her get hurt. The one person who came closest to understanding her life. Her family. The one person understood her love for- 

"Arnold." Helga said at loud. She turned to Brainy and gave him a hard look. "What about Arnold Brainy? Pheobe wasn't his best friend but he would NEVER let something like this happen to any kid. Where is Arnold and why hasn't he stopped this?" 

For the first time Brainy hung his head low. He couldn't look into Helga's eyes. He had been on earth all those years, he had heard with his own ears how much Helga loved Arnold. He knew what would eventually have be told. As rude, and uncompassionate as he was he knew what this would do to her. 

Helga began to grow frightened as she saw Brainy's reaction. She didn't like the way he was avoiding her eyes. In a low voice voice that even she did not recognize she said "Where....is......he?" 

"Helga," Brainy began his voice dripping with remorse. "I'm truely sorry to inform you of this but...Arnold's dead Helga. He's dead." 

She didn't scream, she didn't cry, she didn't even gasp. She simply fell into a pool of swirling darkness. 

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Please don't hurt me! I hated having to write that last part but I will tell you that this story WILL have a happy ending. This is where the angst part of my story comes in. So right now I'm suggesting that if you can't handle it don't continue.

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	4. Arnold's Gone?

Disclaimer: Yadda yadda yadda I don't own Hey Arnold and I don't have Craig tied up and gagged in my basement (or do i?). 

Note: Wow I didn't realize that within minutes I would get requests for the next chapter. So I'm going to finish it tonight. Hope you like it! 

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"Helga?" said a voice. "Helga? You have to wake up. I can't believe I let myself get so attached to you. Don't you at least want to know what happened?" 

Helga opened her eyes to see Brainy's face peering down at her worriedly. She was no longer in the school yard listening to the cruel taunts directed to her best friend Pheobe. She was on a sidewalk. Trying to figure out where she was she looked past Brainy's face and let her eyes rest on a sign. No Kids, Pets OK. At first she lit up excited to be outside of the Sunset Arms. Then she remembered that her love no longer resided within it's walls. Her beloved was dead. 

"Brainy...I...how? I mean I just saw him a few hours ago....how could he be....gone?" she was searching for words. It was all just so horrible. 

"I'm going to tell you everything Helga, simple and straightforward. Nothing but the facts." 

"First of all let me say that his death was quick and painless. He died trying to help someone. You know his nature. Someone had tried to committ suicide and Arnold walked in before it happened but in trying to intervene he himself was killed. It was all very sad. It was in the newspapers for months afterwards." 

"What I need to know is what it has to do with me having never existed? I mean I realize that Miriam and Pheobe were affected because of me not being around. How could it affect Arnold?" 

_ Ding-Dong-Ding-Dong_

"It's twelve o'clock Helga. A year to the day that Arnold's life ended. You see it was Mr. Hyunh who tried to commit suicide. With a gun. Arnold walked in on him and tried to grab the gun out of his hand and well....you know the rest." 

"But why would Mr. Hyunh try to kill himself? On Christmas Day? He had a daughter, a job, friends. He even had a country western singing career under his belt. He was so happy." 

"Wrong Helga. He didn't have a daughter. Don't you remember what happened last Christmas?" 

_ Arnold. A Christmas wish. Her Nancy Spumoni snow boots. She gave them up so that a government worker would find Mr. Hyunh's daughter. So that Arnold could give Mr. Hyunh the one gift he'd ever wanted. He had been so depressed that Christmas without his daughter... _

And she realized what had happened. She had never existed so she was never able to give her snow boots away to make Arnold and Mr. Hyunh's Christmas wish come true. 

"I understand now Brainy. And without having any family that Christmas he became so depressed. It must have been building up for so many years. Without a loving family around him the holiday was just too depressing so he wished he never existed." Just like me, Helga thought to herself, just like me. 

"Wait a minute! I understand everything now! Mr. Hyunh did exactly what I had done. I felt unloved by my family....to some degree I didn't even HAVE a family. And just like him I had wished I wasn't alive only instead of shooting myself I-" Helga gasped and continued in a quiet voice. "I wished that I had never been born." 

"Helga I knew you were smart. Do you understand now what a selfish act it is to wish yourself away? Whether it be how you affected your mother, your friend, even Arnold. You did the same thing Mr. Hyunh did. And instead of feeling free of pain he now sits in a jail cell knowing that he'll have to live 30 years or more with the knowledge of what he's done." 

"But it's different with me right Brainy? I mean I can change everything now...I can make it alright. You wouldn't show me all of this and then let me go with the knowledge of all the pain I caused by one mindless wish. You'll let me redeem myself. You have to! Please! You have to let me live!" she was becoming hysterical with tears. "You have to let me fix everything!" 

"Calm down Helga. Your getting hysterical" Brainy said as he started to shake her. 

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Now I promise you that I will finish this tonight but I still have another chapter to work on because I feel the need to redo it. So you guys get to have a fun 30-40 minute cliffhanger. Come on, you know cliffhangers are fun for the sake of suspense and you already have my word that I'll finish it tonight so don't worry ok? Good, now let me go finish the last chapter. 

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	5. Final Chapter

Disclaimer: Yadda yadda yadda I don't own Hey Arnold and I don't have Craig tied up and gagged in my basement (or do i?). 

Note: This is the last chapter in my fic...I can't believe all the work it took. Five chapters in two days! I just hope it's been fun for everyone else. I really appriciated the reviews and I can't wait to get started on my next fic. 

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"Helga stop it. You're going to hurt yourself." Helga stopped shaking and opened her eyes. Miriam looked at her her face filled with worry. "Helga what's wrong? Are you having a nightmare?" 

Where was Brainy? Where was she? Then she heard it. "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings." She was home! It was still Christmas Eve and she had fallen asleep watching "It's a Wonderful Life" on television. And there was her mother standing above her holding the empty box that had contained the mac and cheese dinner. 

"Helga did you know that the expiration date for this was last week? Did you eat this?" 

"Of course I did Mir-" Helga stopped herself. How could she talk to her mother like that after the dream she had just had. She started again. "Mom, I'm surprised to see you. I thought you and Bob went to some meeting at the emporium." 

Miriam was surprised at Helga's tone. And of course there was the fact that Helga never called her "Mom". "Well honey it turned out that your father has been so hassled this holiday season that he didn't realize it was Christmas Eve. As soon as he realized it he found me at the shopping center and we rushed back here. You didn't think we'd leave you alone on Christmas Eve did you?" 

"But I told Bob on the phone that it was Christmas Eve." No use calling him Dad. She was still mad at him from the dream. 

"Oh you know he never listens on the phone Helga. And he felt horrible about leaving you alone on Christmas Eve. You know I think he's made alot of progress over the last year don't you think? I mean ever since you two went to see "Rats" last year you too have been closer. Give him a chance. Anyways all this talking has made me thirsty. I'm going to get a smoothie." She might be a smoothieaholic but at least she isn't a whino. 

"Helga?" said a voice behind her. It was her father holding a gift. 

"Yes Bob?" she said nervously. She couldn't remember the last time that Big Bob had called her by her right name. 

"Look Helga....I'm sorry about what happened earlier. It's just....well sometimes I get too involved with work" he looked down at the gift. "Here why don't you open your gift from me now. I picked it out myself." 

She picked up the gift. It was rectangular. She shook it. Nothin rattled. So like any normal ten year old girl she proceded to rip the paper to shreds. She found herself holding a black velvet book with the words "Property of Helga G. Pataki" written across the front in fancy gold script. 

"Look I even got the name right" Her father said smiling weakly. He began to fidget a little. "Well I'm going to join your mother in the kitchen and get her to make me some eggnogg. Um..you might want to look at the first page...I wrote a little something on it." 

Helga was speechless as she read the paragraph her father had composed. 

_Helga, I've been secretly going to your friend Dr. Bliss's office for the past year. As you're reading this I'm currently in the kitchen telling your mother the very same thing. Dr. Bliss has been helping me realize how important family is and how dysfunctional ours is. I know now that I had been favoring Olga over you. I want to make a fresh start this year and what a better time of the year then Christmas? Even though I know that I can't buy your love I wanted to show you that I've come to understand you better and so I purchased this journal for you because I can now see your love for the written word. I hope we can forget the past and look towards the future. Love, Dad _ She could hardly believe it. Her father, Big Bob, had actually composed this touching letter. He wanted to become the father that he never was. She stood up, ready to go into the kitchen to talk to him when music floated into her house. 

_ Silent night Holy night _

All is calm all is bright 

'Round yon virgin Mother and Child

Holy infant so tender and mild 

Sleep in heavenly peace

Sleep in heavenly peace

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Helga looked out the window. It was Arnold! Oh how wonderful it was to see his handsome face after having such a horrible and vivid dream.

"Arnold!" Helga cried as she opened the door. Arnold was standing on her porch with all the carolers standing on the sidewalk.

"Hi Helga. Listen I just wanted to apologize about what I said earlier. I went way to far and I should never of called you a scrooge...it's just that sometimes you can-" Arnold was cut off by Helga as she wrapped her arms around him. "Um Helga...why are you hugging me?"

"Is that what you think I'm doing football head?" she said releasing him. "I slipped on the ice and I didn't feel like breaking my neck. Why would I want to hug a football head like you? Don't flatter yourself."

"Whatever you say Helga" Arnold said thankful that he had rid his guilty conscience of his earlier insult.

Helga looked at all of the carolers who were still staring at her. "Doi! Don't you know anything about caroling? The point behind is to actually sing and not stand there and stare. I guess the only way you're going to do it right is with a little help from me."she started singing and pretty soon everyone was joining in.

_Silent night, holy night, _

Shepherds quake at the sight. 

Glories stream from heaven afar, 

Heav'nly hosts sing Alleluia; 

Christ the Savior is born; 

Christ the Savior is born. 

Now that everyone was busy singing Helga made her way over to Pheobe. "Pheebs?" she said. 

"Yes Helga?" 

"Pheobe I...I just wanted to let you know that you're a really great friend to me...and...I" Helga didn't know what to say so threw her arms around her friend. 

"My, Helga, you seem to be tripping on a great deal of ice tonight." Pheobe joked. She knew that the ice excuse was just that; an excuse. It looked at though Helga had been through something tonight and was content in the fact that her best friend would probably fill her in later and turned her attention back to caroling. 

Helga was also intent on singing because for the first time in her life she had something to sing about. As she started the next verse she heard a wheezing behing her. Instead of hitting Brainy she turned around and faced him. 

"Was it a dream Brainy? Please tell me the truth. Did any of that stuff actually happen?" she asked not knowing if she even wanted to know the truth. 

"Huh :::wheeze::: dream?" was Brainy's reply. Satisfied with his answer Helga turned back to singing the final verse. 

_Silent night, holy night, _

Son of God, love's pure light. 

Radiant beams from Thy holy face, 

With the dawn of redeeming grace, 

Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth; 

Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth. 

Quietly alone in the back of the group Brainy looked up at the night sky. "Sorry" he said to himself. "I can't tell you the truth but don't worry. I'm still watching over you." __

The End 

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Sappy huh? I guess you were warned by the fact that "It's a Wonderful Life" was involved that it'd turn out sappy. Well anyways I'm done...I had originally planned to take a week or so to write out the whole story. But after reading the reviews I started feeling bad about leaving cliffhangers and decided to finish it off. I hope the whole thing tied together all right. At some point I changed my mind about certain reactions and character actions which I hope didn't effect the over all story. Thanks for the wonderful reviews! 

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